Re-purposing my life for greatness

Brains are funny. They are our greatest resource and our biggest hurdle at times. They are designed to retain an immense amount of knowledge but aren't too keen on new work. They like efficiency. They like to do things the easiest way possible. They learn and retain the status-quo, which makes it incredibly difficult to fathom new and bigger goals in our lives that are beyond our current lifestyle.

So what happens when you keep having a recurring pull to try something bigger than you have ever accomplished before?

What do you do when you know your life is meant for more but feel stuck in your current ways?

What if you KNOW you want to do something above and beyond the status quo but your brain keeps cycling with limiting beliefs?

At the ripe old age of 28, I decided that becoming a mom was going to be my next big thing, which would have been laughable as an outsider looking in because Mark and I were "not those people."
We partied too much and worked too many hours and were too self-absorbed with our own little bubble to consider the expansion of family with humans.

Then my grandfather passed and my biological clock ramped up something fierce.

Let's take it on, we agreed. Although we had both become well-versed in the gamble and trials of expanding our career paths, parenthood was simply unknown and daunting.
For us, it was never a question of how we would be as parents. We both knew the answer was...we would knock it out of the park. Not in a helicopter/perfect parenting way, more in a we're all in way. We were both perfectly capable of teaching and guiding and growing. It was literally the core of our jobs outside of the home but in very different ways.

The issue became, HOW were we going to become parents, because knocking boots the old fashioned way was getting us nowhere.

As many can relate, once something in our reproductive system seems off, we get frustrated, and then we get moving. If you look at it another way, trying to conceive gave us a "no" and we took that information and found a work-around. This cycle kept up, for us, until we whole-heartedly believed we had exhausted all our work-arounds from the reproductive NO.

Coming to terms with all that we had accomplished, yet failed to achieve, took a bit of time to digest and appreciate.

I would vouch to say most men and women walking through infertility ultimately deal with the same set of emotions. You found success, whether it was through expanding your family with children or not, and now you're left in the ashes, exhausted, thinking what the fuck did we just do.
How did we get here?
Can you believe it took so long?

Another way to consider this same journey would be....look at how badass we became. We took on SO MUCH and here we are. 
Moving forward. 
A whole new life. 
We are not the same people we were before this. 
Look how far we've come!

Walking away from treatment gave me a sense of relief but left me empty. I still had so much to offer in my life, but technically "nothing" to show for it in the form of children.

If I had set out to accomplish this bigger-than-life goal and didn't achieve it in the way I had hoped, now what?

Buffering in circles, trying to define my purpose, not thinking I'm enough or worthy of my words anymore. I had thrown in the towel. I held onto shame for thinking I turned my back on the infertility community I had grown to love. Would they ever embrace me for the childless person I am?
Am I an imposter because I failed?


Regardless of how slow my healing went, I knew that working to make sense of the confusion would ultimately get me out of this stagnant state and into something better. Reminiscing on the past five years of sacrifice, treatment and knowledge that was gained, I started to realize how awesome we did.

We dug in and leaned on each other in some of the worst moments of our lives, we reached out to a community of strangers for support and conversation. Our edges were softened with empathy, a trait we knew nothing about prior to IVF. We had a lot of good in our back pockets.

My initial thought was to take the year off and just be. Slow down after the chaos of treatment and relish in the here and now. Don't take on any big projects. Don't fill up my plate too much.
Destress, relax, and unwind.

Instead, I gave myself permission be who I am; to stretch, to reach, to do only what felt right....I flipped my mindset on its ass. It felt good to dive into something again, which started with ripping up all the carpet in the upstairs of our house.
There was no sense in avoiding a room meant for a nursery when I could change it into a usable space.
The room became an office, and then I laughed because I didn't actually use it for office work for months....until I ganged up with Lindsay and we birthed this new, revolutionary company.
A new purpose.
An opportunity to give back to the community that held me during some of the loneliest days of my life.

I re-purposed myself for better. You can too, my friends.

If you have been feeling the same drive, deep in your bones, as I have, but need help kick starting your ideas into actionable results, why don't you check out our next retreat opportunity in Arizona?