Stretching beyond limiting beliefs of Motherhood

Finding a purpose outside of motherhood became something that required me to stretch beyond my limited thinking. From age 28 to age 35, I had one main goal, birth my baby and get that mom title.

That's all I wanted, and risked my marriage and my career to go all-in on that dream.
I became my own limiting belief that our purpose is singular, that we can't possibly have more than one title.

Not successfully, anyways.

Whenever I was asked "what I did for a living" I was always reluctant to answer, because I truly believed my job was boring. No one cares or wants to hear that I was in human resources.

How lame, right?

But yet, if I chatted up my endeavors to become a mom, suddenly I was fitting in with the majority and had a whole pile of people in my corner, sympathizing with my struggles. At the time, it felt good to be among people that I would soon get to call "my own" as a mom.

I couldn't wait to fit in.

It seemed like the easiest, most attainable route for me.
In my world, the "hard stuff" was evolving a career in finance and human resources from a degree in Interior Design.
To me, that was hard.
Trying to mold something I knew I was good at from something I thought I wanted and achieved (my degree), yet decided wasn't the right choice long term.

Motherhood was supposed to be the thing that I slid into and stumbled along just like everyone else. The path was paved for me, I just had to follow suit.

However, following suit has never been something I did.

If the going got tough, most would give up, and yet, I was always the one that found the work around to get what I wanted.
The want shifted over time. It always evolved to be something that fit me better than the original intentions. I was not one to fold under pressure. Instead, I would regroup, and figure out another way.

I stretched my beliefs.
I bent like branches in the wind.

When trying to conceive, the universe handed me a genetic nightmare. Both my husband and I were matching carriers of MCAD. Instead of throwing up our hands and calling it quits, we temporarily stomped our feet, then dove into the idea of IVF.

Then IVF threw us a whole shit-load of curve balls and uncovered another pile of garbage.
We tried one angle and were met with closed doors.
We kept walking down the hallway; more closed doors.
We peeked around the corner at adoption and donors, but didn't like that one bit.

We stretched to consider we were in the wrong hallway altogether.
We bent to think up alternatives.

What if life, for us, wasn't supposed to include children? How did that look? Would we regret anything? Did we push ourselves to our limits before calling it quits?

Wholeheartedly, the answer to a lot of these questions came easy.
We DID try every avenue possible, within our moral beliefs.
We gave it our all with what we were given.

To us, we didn't give up, we simply started walking down a different hallway and found some of the doors actually opened for us.

However, the nagging in my soul to keep digging towards my purpose was unrelenting.
I originally believed the nagging soul-work came in the form of children and motherhood.
But, came to realize my zone of genius was really meant to be shared with a broader spectrum of people.

People like me, who found themselves stuck along their path, after the shock of the Infertility diagnosis wears off.

Where to turn, how to do it, and where to go from here, have all been questions that have flooded my inbox in recent years.

How did you do it and stay sane?
How did you do it and still feel whole?
How did you do it and not feel like a failure?

I stretched. I gave myself permission to manipulate the Plan A and see what Plan A, subsection 2 looked like. I bent like a tree branch in the wind and let the universe guide me, instead of trying to force the hand I was being dealt, and ultimately snap in two under pressure.

These days, I run full force into what seems to make the most sense in my life, just like I attempted with motherhood. I am all in.

I am all in to share my life with those that need to hear it. Pouring out my truth after years of trauma and heart ache surrounding gender bias, work struggles, unequal treatment, lost ideas, miscarriage, set-backs, failures, resiliency, renewal and everything in between.

This is my wisdom that I've collected over the last 15 years of my life.

All my failures have given me new opportunities.
I choose to stretch and grow.

Cheers, Tia

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